and yeah...like i've been dreaming of goign to western ever since i went there and nearly cried cuz it was so beautiful... but now.i 'm having 2nd thoughts..which is QUITE scary..cuz if i dton' go to western..i have no place to go..cuz i really dton' like any of the places i applied to ..which is pretty gay. i'm getting really scared due to the "partying" issue. it bugs me a lot..wherever i go..i here western..blAH blah blah....the WORD.."P-A-R-T-Y" is included in the sentence. which SAYS a lot..considering the fact that EVERYONE WHO TALKS ABOUT WESTERN says that frigign word. so what does that word mean? i serouly dotn' know. is it that bad? like seoriusly.one day.i just wanan stay over at someon's dorm..and just see how bad it gets. i'll do that one day..just one day..
like seroiuly..if i dton' go to western..i mite as well not go to university? i dton' even wanna go now. since like everyone's staying. but wdh. what is wrong with me. i was soooooo super excited to go to uni in the summer..and now i hate all th eplaces i applied to? like wdh. mb its cuz after visiting waterloo..and i puked. yeah..mb tha's why. like i have no taste for living in res now..(either than wetsern) but the prob with western is the P word..and i dton' liek thant P word..cuz 1) i sleep early , 2) i wanna focus on my studies ..i really do =) hrmm..wud i rather noisy halls ,or ugly dorms u can't even shower in cuz u'll puke once u see it.......hahhaaha i heard queens was really ugly too.i forgot but someoen was talking about how their bros went to queens..and they ocudltn' even shower and used the sink to wash their hair cuz it was disgusting..hahaha that is funny.
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?
i don't know. nothing.
i just want to rot like poo.
and pretend i dotn' exist.
dont you wonder how it woudl be like not existing..and just being there for the heck of it..so there's like nothign to worry about..cuz u're not there..but physically there..hahaha i always wonder.. it woudl be so cool . life is really stressful. if you read ppl's blogs..many are facing the same issues as you..so really? it doen'st even matter....cuz everyone 's feelngi the same. okay rite now i am not making sense but whatever. hehehee..i feel like just bs-ing about nothing. i wish i didn't exist. how lovely woudl that be. my sister asked me...would i rather be my grandma..doing nothing everyday..or be jsut me ..and stress and stress about nonsense. stress about htings that wont' even matter 10000000 years from now. stressing in the moment. jsut stres s stress..it's just so useles..that word shudtn' even exist cuz it makes me more stressed..hahahaa...i dotn' like the word stress cuz i htink do it everyday.
i feel so worthless i nthis life . i dton' even know nwhat i'm gonna go into. soeriusly. like yeah...i applied to science..and expect to go into science..but do i really like science? i dotn' knwo..i guess i'll find out wen im' in uni. liek i also love music. but i dotn' really need an education..but u know what.i prolly end up being a violim teacher at home cuz i'll prolly be the wifei that stays at home while my future "husband" does the going outside of ht e house typical dad thing. eh ehehee..yeha..basically girls dotn' realy have an option. unless things change late ron..but i think my level of stress will be too high we ni'm 26..and i'll end up giving up =) lol. oh well.
i guess ijust have to live the life. cna't think about the future. just live each moment. day by day. never look back and never look forward..just LIVE. cuz that's what we're here for.
// random thoughts.
posted by lois @ 9:43 PM
